Self-Esteem, She’s a Bitch…

Wow, has it really been so long (over 4 months) since my last post? My break from blogging was not on purpose, I’ve just been in the midst of a writing funk. So many nights I’d sit down to write here in my little corner of the Interwebz and the words they just would not come. How do you break out of a funk that seems never-ending?

I’m hoping this post will help get me back into some sort of writing groove, because I miss it.

 Those of you that know me, even if it’s just “knowing” me from the World Wide Web, know that I’ve been single FOREVER! I’ve made it no secret that I enjoy my singleness, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve started longing for more. I see friends and family in relationships, getting engaged, getting married and having kids. I’m not 100% sure where my life will lead me, but I do know that I would love to have all of those life experiences at some point, and as my mother likes to point out (too often!)….I’m not getting any younger. (I’ll be 34 in 15 days, woot!)

 While I’ve been away I’ve found myself in what I like to call a new “friendship”, a “relationship” of sorts, but more complex. I haven’t discussed it online at all, because well it’s personal and hard to explain and well we’re just friends. I’ve known him for a while and never in a million years thought we’d “hit it off” the way we have in recent months, but we have. We talk, a LOT, we enjoy each other’s company, even though it’s limited and well we just really get along.

 Will this “relationship” lead to more, probably not.  In fact, there’s no probably about it, this “relationship” is one of friendship and fun and that’s it. It’s a “relationship” that I will continue to enjoy until things change. That’s about as in-depth as I’ll get here.

The one thing I’m struggling with right now are my feelings.

 Spoiler Alert: it doesn’t matter how much weight I lose or how happy I am in life I still have self-esteem issues. I will likely ALWAYS have self-esteem issues.

He says I’m beautiful, but I don’t believe him.
He says he likes me the way I am, but I still see so many faults.
He says I’m smart, but how can a college drop-out be smart?
I can be 100% myself around him, but sometimes I feel like the real me is a turn off.

All of these thoughts and then some rise to the surface on a daily basis. The logical me knows that what he says is true but the judgmental me refuses to listen, to really listen to what he says and accept it as fact. Why can I never accept the “good” without dwelling on the “not so good?” Why can’t I take the compliments and let someone like me for me? Why must I always feel like there are stipulations to the compliments?

Why must my emotions always be so damn confusing?

 When I lost the weight and became “HAPPY” again I just assumed the self-esteem would correct itself. It seems I still have some work to do in that department!

 So, tell me friends, how do you work on your self-esteem?

Buffer

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 29th, 2012 at 10:22 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

8 Responses to “Self-Esteem, She’s a Bitch…”

Terri October 29th, 2012 at 10:30 am

It’s funny, isn’t it, how we assume that when I lose the weight, or when I get a new job, or when I have a boyfriend I will like myself more? It never works that way. I think the weight and the job and the boyfriend will really come when you find yourself completely content with who you are. it’s a struggle for almost everyone, male or female, although women seem to bear the brunt of the self-esteem load. For me, it’s about talking to myself about the things I like about me. It’s about truly hearing and accepting the compliments that come my way. It’s about remembering that I’m surrounded by people who love me despite my flaws, because, frankly, everyone has them.

You, Greis, are an amazingly giving person who is fun and smart and beautiful. Keep telling yourself THAT. In time, you’ll replace the negative self thought with the truth. Mwah!

[Reply]

Greis Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 7:49 am

Thank you. It’s hard and doesn’t get much easier the more I hear it. I’ve always been so negative about myself that it’s just so hard to believe otherwise sometimes. Thank you for being a great friend!

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cindy w
Twitter: poobou
October 29th, 2012 at 10:30 am

I’m not sure how to “fix” it, other than the fact that it just takes time. Your body changed, but your brain didn’t.

You ARE smart and beautiful, and I’m glad you have someone who is trying to reinforce those ideas in your head on a regular basis. (Even if he isn’t your long-term guy, it’s nice to have it anyway.) Maybe if you hear it enough, it’ll start to stick.

XOXO
cindy w´s last [type] ..more whining about how tired I am

[Reply]

Greis Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 7:47 am

Yes, it’s definitely nice to hear!! Thank you for being such a great friend!! XOXO

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moosh in indy. November 12th, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Oh honey pie.
Yes, your body changed, your brain didn’t. That Cindy, she’s a smart one.
Sometimes it takes being deeply loved by someone else that allows us to truly love ourselves. I was so unhappy for so long. So convinced I was worthless or at least worthless enough not to deserve all that I had.
One of the best things that has happened to me this year is realizing that losing 20 pounds didn’t make a damn bit of difference in the way I felt about myself. After three decades I finally like myself enough that what is on the outside doesn’t matter as much.
But oh, getting to that point was hard and it hurt and it was a process. But in the process I learned what a true friend was and how to be one. I learned to take better care of people around me (and of myself.)
It certainly won’t happen overnight, but when someone you like says your wonderful? Internalize it, because you are wonderful. Good people won’t blow smoke up your bum, they only want the best for you and for you to see how truly magnificent you are.
And you truly are magnificent.
moosh in indy.´s last [type] ..the one about my better side, and it isn’t right.

[Reply]

Greis Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 7:46 am

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I’m definitely a work in progress. I’ll get there. Love you, miss you.

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moosh in indy. November 12th, 2012 at 6:02 pm

But when someone uses your when they should have used you’re? Ignore that, that’s just bad proofreading.
moosh in indy.´s last [type] ..the one about my better side, and it isn’t right.

[Reply]

Greis Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 7:50 am

I do it more often than I care to admit. I still love you!

[Reply]

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